My Hair Obsession

I absorb all things about hair. I love reading about new hair products and appliances. My most recent appliance purchase was a hair steamer. I am not all that jazzed about it. My hair just felt "bleh" after steaming. I like the way my hair feels after deep conditioning under a hair dryer much better. I thought conditioning with a steamer would up my hair bling quotient but that has not been then case. I will play around with it for awhile.

The products I like are Spectrum Unrefined Coconut Oil, Phytospecific Intense Nutrition Mask, Aveda Damage Remedy Shampoo and Conditioner, Aveda Dry Remedy Shampoo and Conditioner, Neutrogena Triple Moisture Silk Touch leave-in for dry styling during the week, Salerm-21 leave-in used pre roller setting/airdrying/blow drying, Biosilk Silk Therapy Gloss on top of the Salerm 21 and lottabody.

Things that make me laugh but shouldn't

1) When I go into Nordstrom's TBD Department, there is a girl who looks like this guy from MadTV. The guy, who is on the chunky side, was always dressed as a girl in one skit or another. Anyway, I laugh when I see her because she reminds me of him.


2) Crass things discussed on Chelsea Lately.

I'm doing good...those are the only two things that I laugh at that I shouldn't.

What I like

1) Football
2) That my friend gets to see her "friend" today
3) Meditation
4) Positive people
5) People who are in good relationships
6) Puppies, other people's puppies(new revelation for me)
7) New prospects
8) The thought of being in business, either for myself or otherwise
9) Scrabble
10) Backgammon
11) Skip-Bo
12) Parks
13) Lakes
14) Exercising
15) Sarcasm in moderation
16) Chelsea Lately...not just her but Chuy and the roundtable also. Especially the chunky gay guy.
17) Traveling
18) Typical birthday cake: white cake, white buttercream frosting.
19) Cold grapes
20) My home
21) Walking in the French Quarter, through the french market, down Magazine Street, in the Garden District...((sigh)) New Orleans.
22) The ducks that feed on the worms in front of Bally's.
23) The color peach


What do you like?

I Get It-I Don't Get It

Dirty heels? Unkempt heels? As in the back of your foot, the heel, being dirty or rough from driving or wearing flip-flops. Is this avoidable? I've experienced it and cleaned my foot right away. But, I've seen my fair share of "driver's heel" or, as my BFF calls it, " suicide heel." Are they avoidable?

I don't get it. Ladies, be conscious of your heels.

I Get It-I Don't Get It

Texting someone who doesn't accept your calls?

Because love can be crazy sometimes, I must admit- I get it.

My 5 year plan

I get why people ask "Where will you be in five years?" It's supposed to be some barometer of interest, I guess. Like,"I want to know know more about you, your plans, etc. 'cause I'm interested." For some reason, I can't ever seem to answer the question. At least not the way I'd like to. I'd like to have all these fabulous goals and plans to talk about in detail. I know the basics: get married, have a kid, move from my starter home to whatever the next level home is. Actually, screw it...my five year plan is to hit either or all of the following: Lotto, SuperLotto, Mega Millions, Keno, Dollar, Quarter or Nickel slot, Bingo, Scratcher, Big Spin, Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes, PowerBall.

Out of my own insecurities with this question, here is where I shoot the messenger. The only people who ask where do you see yourself in five years are those who still have a whole lot of crap to do. I had my B.A. by 23 and M.A. by 25. I had a real estate broker's license at the age of 33, a notary public "whatever" at 31. I've been a social worker, probation officer, substitute teacher, waitress, drug treatment counselor, real estate agent and broker, train dispatcher, failed business owner and unemployed. My five year plan, in addition to hitting the buffet of lottos, is to chill. Hell, I've had enough jobs to last three lifetimes.

Really, I'm just a one year out kinda girl most of the time. I think about going back to school, I think about career advancement, I think about taking pilates and yoga. But to think and plan for five years from now? Not sure how to do that. My rule of thumb is to step out on faith and trust that my path is unfolding step by step just as the good Lord intended...and plan for about a year in advance. Vacation...check; Possible new home...check. That's stuff that can happen in a year. Get married...fo sho. Kids...yeah, as long as my body cooperates. But again, that's stuff that can happen in a year as well, two tops. Heck, my cousin got married in January after dating his wife for a year and now she is several months pregnant with their child. And they are over 40. They can do it, I can too.

Rubbed the wrong way

I irritate dudes. Let me rephrase that...I irritate certain dudes. I learned that when I visited my hometown this weekend. Especially when the topics of money, accomplishments and expectations come up. Generally, I'm minding my own "self" business when I am asked about my ideas in those areas. Recently, I was asked, hypothetically mind you, what concert tickets I would purchase for myself and this person if we were dating. When I said that I wouldn't purchase tickets, the guy got perturbed. I had already sized him up: played out acid washed jeans, silky-ish shirt, Jeri-curl flat top... he was unemployed. After asking me about my career and getting answers, he played dodgeball when I asked about his. "I've HAD contracts with Sprint and a couple of other telecom companies," he said. Instead of sticking the dagger in and twisting it, I let it slide 'cause I knew what time it was... Garfield(my nickname for him since he had grocery sized bags under his eyes) asked if he could give me his number and I said, "sure." Then he asked if he could call me and I said, "Sure, right after I call you."

It happened again a couple of nights later, at a friend's BBQ. The "Ghetto Astrologer" strolled in, flashing his gold teeth and asking for my "sign." He got frustrated when I told him that a whole new astrology sign had been created just for me upon my birth. He guessed that I was a Leo....WRONG. Negrodamus went on to lament about how I would probably end up alone because I thought I was slick. Because I thought I was so slick, he said, if he were my man I'd have to give him back everything he ever gave me if we broke up, pointing at my clothing as he said this. Incredulous that he would want clothing back, as if it were real estate, a car or some other big ticket item...I laughed aloud. This infuriated him and he threatened that if I didn't, hypothetically of course, return what he "lent me", then I would find my self buried under a bush. After explaining the finer points of "giving" vs "lending" to my new friend, he decided that he would more than likely catch a case if he gave any further consideration to dating me and promptly left the BBQ.

I didn't take these encounters personally because these were guys that I would never, EVER date. So the way things turned out was super cool with me. With a BOSS, 99% of this conversation would not have happened, unless it was tongue in cheek. Even then, it would have been very minimal, for the sake of a chuckle or two. I like my journey, because day by day I see how refined, particular and crisp my destiny is becoming. I see it , but I experience it in bits too. We all know that its not the destination but the journey that ultimately gives us satisfaction.

I Get it- I Dont Get it

Gold teeth:
1) In the front of the mouth?
2) With designs on them...champagne glasses, initials, dollar signs, marijuana leaves?
3) In multiples?
4) At all?

Sorry, I dont get gold teeth under ANY circumstances.

What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man

I asked my friend the other day if black women are the only women that are encouraged to consider marrying "down"? I came across a blog where there was a video skit about the single, professional black woman. According to this video, written and directed by a black man it seems, professional black women are single because we're believing our own hype. Too much pride in our accomplishments of obtaining a college education/degree, career and home...all or most on the solo tip. The video parody went on to mock black women for going on vacations(cruises, music festivals) and sleeping with the "help"( bell hops, taxi drivers) when we wont give the brother who works at Mickey D's in our neighborhood the time of day.

Man!!! I never knew living good could draw sooo much "hating." So, let me get this right....I should downplay my college degrees(not one, but two bruh...read em and weep), my career that affords me the opportunity to purchase not one, not two, but three houses( starting to hurt now huh?) ? And correct me if Im wrong, I should stay home because traveling the world makes me what? A slut? Stay home and watch you do what? Play with a video camera 'cause you afraid to get off the block? Men like that kill me. I have a suggestion, matter of fact, I have several from different sources. From me: "Step yo' mfin game up"; from my ace boon: "Get your weight up"; from my road dawg: "Act like you been somewhere."

My father was going to Cal State LA, working nights as a security guard while supporting his wife(my mother) and two children (both from his wife). That was in the 1960's. Then, he was smart enough to get hired by a company that paid for his MBA from University of Missouri, Kansas City. Now, years later, shit lets make that decades later, after footing every single expense I had during my stellar undergraduate pursuit, Im supposed to step to him with the dude who works at McDonald's in tow? Naw, main...that's not gonna happen for a whole bunch of reasons, mainly because I walk the walk and talk the talk.

My dude is a BOSS. What's a BOSS you ask? A BOSS is that man who wouldn't dare put you down or mock you for enjoying the fruits of your labor. Why? Because he does the same thing. He knows how to enjoy life. Laugh at your degree? The BOSS is a professional man, familiar with the rigors and sacrifices associated with higher ed. "Saditty", "Bougie", "thinks she's all that"...none of those are in his vocabulary, its beneath him. He's too busy making "the" decisions, not "a" decision...he has real responsibility that requires intelligence and business savvy, not "swagger". When the BOSS makes decisions, he's thinking of the long term implications and benefits for his family. Hiding behind a video camera, belittling the virtues and goals of his female counterpart is not his style because its not on his radar. When I think of The BOSS I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:11 : "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

The Economy and me

The economy in California is trippin' me out. Some state workers are required to take off three unpaid days per month. Those three unpaid days constitute about a 15% pay cut. I wonder if the legislature counted on how much State workers contribute to the State's economy? I work in an area where there are some state offices and I have noticed that the usually booming restaurants, that used to bust at the seams with county and state workers, are now kind of bare. So, the state workers furloughs are now effecting the bottom line of restaurants. As a result, restaurants then lay off cooks, cashiers, etc. because business isnt what it used to be.

Some state workers are losing their homes and what little financial footing they have because of the furloughs. The alternative to the furloughs, as proposed by the legislature several months ago, were a series of tax increases that I voted against. I now wonder about my vote. I had been listening to ALOT of talk radio: Conservative, white males disavowing the daily contributions of state workers who perform duties ranging from maintenance to management and, of course, praising the hard working private industry that no doubot makes it money from government workers or government contracts.

The current climate, well the political and financial climate, in California leaves alot to be desired. And I know its not just here...its everywhere. But Im feelin like I want to see what its like elsewhere.

In my soul

I'm not sure if I want to write about soul mates just yet. Seems kinda hokey but here goes nothin'... I happened upon this book about attracting your "soul mate." It asks 10 questions, nine of which I was able to answer a resounding "yes" to. The one I could not answer has me trippin': "Is there someone who still has their emotional hooks in you or yours in them?" is how the question read. You know how people say Woooowww! and really drag it out....that's what I said to myself. Immediately I thought about the ex I dream about a few times a month(and I promise you, I'm way over him), or the other ex who sent me text a couple of weeks ago about not responding to his texts in a timely manner(If I respond at all), or the ex I ran into while he was on a Valentine's Day date with his wife(yea he called the next day). Are those the emotional hooks the book is referring to?

In my unqualified opinion, soul mates come in and out of our lives, throughout our entire lives. Can a soul mate be your best friend, your lover, your mentor, your workout partner, someone you had a great conversation with on a plane? Does your soul mate have to be your spouse or a member of the opposite sex? I don't know, I'm just asking. Or do they simply speak to your soul in a moment or for a lifetime? I'm stumped.

I have had really great friendships and relationships, some are still in place and others aren't. But I think at some point, I felt a pretty strong connection with all these people... to the extent that I could say that they were my soul mate, at least for that time.

The dream of a soul mate gets sold hard and fast to women. Just ask me, I paid $25 for the book. But I think what I have been able to determine is that my husband doesn't necessarily have to be my soul mate because I have found that quality in many friends, family members, co-workers and the occasional stranger in passing. My husband does have to be loving, kind, ambitious, tolerant, fitness oriented and some other things. Not so sure he has to be my soul mate though . Of course, if he is that would be an added bonus but if he isn't its not a deal breaker.

Not just another movie

I've been hearing the buzz about a movie based on the novel "Push" by Sapphire. The book, which I just read a couple of weeks ago, was good. I am anxious to see the film, which apparently won two of the highest honors at the Sundance Film Festival. Monique, the comedienne, plays a pretty frightening role in the movie and it seems that her performance also garnered an award at Sundance and is generating Oscar buzz for 2010. I hope that's the case. I love the grittiness of the book. I literally laughed out loud while reading some parts and wanted to throw the book against the wall at other parts. It takes a pretty talented writer to elicit such a range of reaction and emotion from the reader. The movie buzz is what made me read the book and I hope the film proves to be as worthy of my praise as the book did.

NO SNITCHING

That bull got Lil' Kim sent way the hell up the river. I thought it was stupid then, I think its stupid now. I warned a less than savory former acquaintance about ridin' dirty, at least with me in the car..."You've got about 10 seconds from the time the popo's find your stash to claim it or I'll tell 'em who it belongs to." So in the spirit of the 12 step program, allow me to introduce myself... my name is chrismiss and I'm a snitch.

For some reason, the issue of keeping secrets keeps presenting itself to me. I know what a secret is and I believe I know how to keep them. But my definition of a secret, and another person's definition of a secret are probably different. I keep my own secrets really well because I dont tell anyone my real secrets. I wonder about people who tell me something and then say "Don't tell anyody." Well is it fair that you got to tell me and I don't get to tell anyone? How does that work? And usually what's being told to me has zero relevance to me nor have I asked for the information.

I was channel surfing today and happened upon an episode of Brady Bunch. In a nutshell, Cindy was tattling. Eventually, Mike and Carol reprimanded Cindy for tattling but then later asked her if she knew anything about Tiger, the family dog, taking something he shouldnt have. Now Cindy had already been told to stop snitching. But now they wanted her to. See, that's what I'm talking about! Snitching is a double edged sword.

The Lost Art of Gratitude

They say that the two most important words in any language are "Thank You." I concur. I believe that the experience that warrants gratitude is taken to the next plateau for all involved parties when gratitude is properly expressed. I say "properly" because Thank You in deed sounds nice, but when someone has gone to great lengths to select, compose and mail invitations to an event and then they follow it up with a verbal Thank You , it annoys me. Its like this, you can pick up some thank you cards when you're getting those invitations. Especially if I have taken time out of my schedule to attend the function, buy a gift, a card, gift wrap, give a monetary contribution, I want a Thank You note.

IMO, when I receive a handwritten "Thank You" note, I know that the sender is the cat's meow, the creme de la creme, the have instead of a have not, well mannered and/or socially adept. In other words, the person who doesnt send a note is a creep. With the season for weddings, graduations, summer bday soirees and funerals rapidly approaching, I know that I will receive beautifully crafted invitations/programs with all the inserts( RSVP, maps, gift registry, local accommodations). And if I should choose to attend, I hope my hostess will find and restore the art of gratitude to proper place.

-Thank You for reading

Boo'd Up

By some strange stroke of the key or mouse, I selected "in a relationship" instead of "single" on facebook. Call it prophetic or a freudian typo but the attention I received as a result was amazing. I got a salty text while hard at work "Oh, I had to find out on fb that you're in a relationship?" Now, I'm not the "don't bug me while I'm working type"...I can multitask. But I am the "don't call or text me with stupid sh*t" type. What bugged me the most was I responded! Because I was so sure I selected "single", I had no idea what this person was talking about. But, I started thinking...its my fb page. Mine, not yours, but mine! If I want to put a picture of my face on the body of sheep and post it on MY facebook spot( my worst fear about my picture on the internet btw), guess what? I can do that (I think). Why? Because its MINE! But I'll keep it real...that's not how I responded. I said "What?? I chose single." Now this seemed to soothe the savages but I had to wonder what's wrong if I am in a relationship? And if I am, who is privy to that information? And if someone had to find out on facebook, is that a new cardinal sin? No, I'm not dating anyone, including the person who tried to chin check me. But I want to date, I want to check that "in a relationship" box. In fact, I want to do a Tony Wideman and put I AM MARRIED at the top of my facebook page.

Unique constellation of attributes

"Must Love Dogs" ran back to back tonight( I slept during the first run, surfed the web during the second run). John Cusack's character describes Diane Lane's character as a "unique constellation of attributes." I think I'm a unique constellation of attributes! Really, I do and really, I am.

All bundled within the constellation that is me is someone who, as my mother says, "will give anything a whirl." I've been a real estate broker, notary(insert my mom's laugh here), a train dispatcher, social worker(x4), substitute teacher, probation officer, drug counselor, waitress, business owner, errand runner. I may have left something out but moving on...

I like most animals, spicy food, wood burning fireplaces. I like to read, laugh and gossip. I dont like to be cold or to feel unwelcome. The airport is one of my favorite places. New Orleans is one of my favorite destinations. Gates BBQ(anything on the menu) and Pearl's Oyster Bar(the crab pan roast) in Kansas City are my favorite restaurants- I miss them when I come back to California. I like when IFC shows the blaxploitation films featuring Pam Grier.

I love funny men because my dad is a practical joker. Men who take themselves too seriously, especially those with no good damn reason, IRK me. Women too. I like my status as a "UCA."

My bed is my island

Those who know me know that I am not a "bed" person. I am not one of those people who always seem to be asleep or napping when you call them. In fact, I am usually doing something that is the exact opposite of sleeping when my friends call... working out, shopping, on my computer. But my bed is my island. I have always kinda had this idea that when I am relaxing on my bed, sleeping in my bed, reading on my...well you get the gist, my bed is my safe haven. Nothing can harm me, I am perfectly safe there. My Bible is within reach, as is my gratitude journal. So that probably explains how I ended up there on New Year's Eve night. All that day, I had these visions of being at a fabulous soiree. I made a dozen calls to find out where"the party" was going to be, only to end up on the island. Now the island is not a bad place to be, everyone seems to feel welcome. My BFF was visiting from Virginia during the holidays. She spent the night in the guest room but the next morning she hopped on the island and watched tv with me. She didnt ask first, she knows she doesnt have to. That's life on the island. Maybe I'll christen it, give it a name...Christa Rica, Chrimaica, Chrihamas, Chriwaii, St. Christa.